just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
