He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
