You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
