Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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