My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
