the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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