I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
