I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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