Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
