I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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