the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Someone shattered a urinal.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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