all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
