i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
