My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize