Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
