i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize