i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
