Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
