Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
