Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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