3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
that's an acceptable place to lick
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
