he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
