Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
