you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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