drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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