i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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