she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
