apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
