fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
