i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
