after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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