i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
