winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
