Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
