did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
