What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
