having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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