NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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