Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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