she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
