Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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