after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
