Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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