Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
