HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Did we literally take a cab across the street
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
