I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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