I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
you made out with another girl for some wings
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
