I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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