I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
