Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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