At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
