I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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