i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
