I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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