I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize