I cannot find my penis.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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