Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
