May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
