pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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