I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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