my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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