I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
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