we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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