She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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